Forgive and Forget, Apparently Not

begin excerpt

It was just before July 4th many years ago when I took an out call client. He was a computer geek. I let my guard down with him because he was fat, a geek, completely non threatening. Getting the money up front is a cardinal rule and that rule stayed in effect for this event. The client I’ll call Arnold only wanted straight sex and light slapping on the buttocks. Easy client. Arnold apparently was much more observant than I and my guard was down to some extent because of his portly, acne laced, computer geek image. I put the money in my pocketbook like I always did. We did the session and I left. It was the end of the night and he was the last client. It was walking out through the myriad of stairways in his apartment complex when I realized I didn’t have the money I dumped the purse looking for the money, nothing. I went back to the apartment and knocked and couched the situation as my fault telling Arnold that perhaps I’d forgotten to get the money. Arnold told me to fuck off, that he had paid me in full and to get out or he would call the police.

This was my fault because he seemed harmless. He wasn’t. He was a thief. He got what he paid for and took the money back without me noticing. I was $260 short. I could have told Bruce that he refused to pay me but I was afraid it was a setup to see if I would lie. I told my driver what happened and he said I better call Bruce from a payphone and warn him so that he had time to calm down before he got the news. I called Bruce. He asked me if I remembered how many times we had gone over the importance of securing the money when he hired me. It struck me as odd that he didn’t ask for the money I had made from the previous day instead telling me to wait until tomorrow.

I told him it was my fault, that I had gotten sloppy with a geek who conned me. Bruce told me sarcastically not to make any plans for the next night and we would deal with it then. He said nothing about it the next day other than telling me to wear a cocktail dress and the dog collar. I had no doubt this was going to be a bad night.. I got there with my driver early and sat outside in the car. I didn’t have any drugs to take and knew whatever was coming was going to happen totally sober.
.
In the heat of a July evening I found myself shaking and started to cry. The driver wished luck and because he knew the situation told me I better plan for a large backdoor delivery. He told me I better stop crying because it made me look like shit and that was going to make things worse. Getting out of the car I was trying very hard to get myself together but it was difficult. Knowing what was coming, I was overwhelmed by fear. When I entered the house there were four men and one woman along with Bruce and Dave.. Bruce made this big deal out of welcoming me, saying I was the model and actress he had told everyone about all night.

I knew positively that I was in trouble when I did the mingling thing with them and they told me how much Bruce and Chuck Bruce told them I liked it rough and that I was a wild girl. I had one drink when Bruce said he needed to excuse himself and me so that he could pay me for the night’s party and made a big production out of how well I was being paid and that we would be done in a just a few minutes and then the party could really start. I could hear the men talking about how great they thought the dog collar and the dress were. We went into the bedroom and Bruce grabbed me by the face squeezing really hard telling me to give him all the money to count. I gave him all the money I had made that day but even with tips it was too short to cover the missing money from the client who ripped me off. Bruce leveled me with a backhand to the side of my face although I landed mostly on a chair but it dazed me nonetheless.. I started to answer and he told me to stop. Nothing I said was going to make this right. I owed and was going to pay. He told me the rest of the night I belonged to him and his guests, that any of them got whatever they wanted without any complaints from me for the night and asked me if I had a problem with that. I told him that had no problem with it. Bruce asked me if I understood what was coming and why. Yes I did. Once again he asked if I had a problem. I didn’t. The night was going to be hard enough, I didn’t need to do anything to set it worse. I was trapped and wasn’t going to try to argue about anything. He put the money in his wallet and asked if it and asked if that was a problem that I didn’t get paid. I never got paid regardless as he always took all the money.

I realized he asked question loudly so that others heard that I was being disciplined. This was both a paid gig which he got a lot of money but also an exhibition to show his control over me. I didn’t fight him on either. I didn’t know if I was even going to come out of that condo alive,everything else was irrelevant at that point. When he finished counting the money Bruce told me to turn around and handcuffed me behind my back. They were tight. He told me I was a bitch and was going to be treated like one. I could feel him attaching a a chain to the collar.

He said since I was a bitch I should have a ball and gave me an orange dog toy ball and said it would stay there until my mouth was needed for something. He told me to get on the bed on my knees with my face on the bed which was really hard to do because my hands were behind my back. He told me if I dropped the ball we would keep practicing until I got it right. He lifted up my skirt and shoved himself inside me anally.pulling me up by the leash and collar. I kept dropping the ball because I was struggling to breath against the collar and all the weight of my body holding against it with him pushing the other way inside me. I realized he finally stopped when I regained consciousness.

At some point I I lost consciousness from the collar being pulled so hard.. He shoved me off the bed with his foot, I couldn’t block the fall because I was still handcuffed and hit the end of a table with my cheek going down. I could feel my face swelling when he took me out of the bedroom and used my condition as an example of me being wild. He asked anyone if they wanted to play fetch with a bitch but no one seemed to catch the idea. The ball was forgotten. They decided to play a drinking game. They had some bondage board game based on sex acts.. If they could make my eyes water, make me choke, then they took a drink Two drinks if they could make me beg them to stop. . If they did something that made me smile in a way Bruce considered genuine I could take a drink. I didn’t get any drinks that night.

One of the guys asked if I had been paid enough for more than one of them to take a turn at the same time or to use a whip. It was very hard to answer as my throat had become swollen from collar being pulled so tight. But I told him in a very raspy manner that I was paid enough for them to do anything they wanted to.

They did whatever they wanted to more than one at a time, one at time. I was totally dazed At some point they asked the woman there if she wanted get in on the action. She refused and said she wanted to go home. She was angry and disgusted with me that I would allow myself to be treated this way and she wasn’t me. Clearly, she never thought this situation was non-consensual. One of the men who was apparently her husband was very mad saying he was promised that she would do it with me but when the time came for her, apparently she didn’t want to. Still, every guy did whatever they wanted to me without any protest on my part. The room was spinning, I was floating, yet present for every minute all at the same time. One of the last guys talked about the eroticism of the look on my face, that my eyes were blank and it was “totally hot”.

I felt like I was floating and totally dazed and that everything was blurring into the rap and hard rock that was being played. Finally the night ended after many hours of being the bottom in sex, being the masochist in bondage. Bruce said he was too drunk to drive home, the driver was sent home. I stayed on the floor in the bathroom without moving because it hurt too much to move or try to get up without being able to use my hands which were still behind my back.

I spent all night on the floor. The sun had just come up when he finally came and unlocked the handcuffs. He asked me if I had learned a lesson because he hated that I forced him to hurt me and that he was upset that I forced him to have to treat me that way. He reminded me of the fact that I had gotten off easy and that it could have been much worse. We went home and he told me to take a shower because I looked like shit and would have clients later in the day. When I got home I could hardly talk because my throat was still swollen from the night before. I was on a long leash tied to the sink pipes whenever I showered. Once done I laid on the floor for the remainder of the day until it was time to take more clients. It hurt far too much to move without a significant reason.

End Excerpt